I need support!!!
Have you ever declared this, only to look around and not see anyone that you can go to for help?
I have, and it feels terrible.
It is like being in a dark tunnel, searching for a light but not knowing which direction to go. All you can see is darkness.
But, deep in the centre of your being, there is hope, a hope that there is someone out there who knows what it feels like to be there, all alone in the dark, and has made their way to the light.
After struggling for many years, I finally realised that I needed the guidance of someone who had been in my shoes, who understood what it was like to walk in my footsteps. I knew, deep in the centre of my being, that there had to be someone out there.
Up until that moment, I thought I had enough determination and could solve any dilemma I faced, but I hit a fork in the road, and began going around in circles, chasing my tail, with no end in sight.
I was afraid that I would remain that way, and the thought of continuing life without direction or guidance was too painful to bear.
I knew because of the authors that I loved and admired so much. They were the voices of reason, in a world where I felt like I was being bamboozled (to use a word from my favourite author Dorothy Rowe) with so much choice, negativity and despair.
I also have an innate respect for people who have struggled themselves, but with determination, have achieved great things. They have hit major challenges, some beyond description, but have endured and become amazing role models for those of us who are willing to listen.
After much searching, I found a coach, but not just anyone. She had to be someone that was really good at what she did, and she was willing to go beyond common practices. I didn’t want someone who would tell me things I already knew, after all, what I knew was not helping me.
She also had to be someone who had mastered the art of being both soft and strong. She would gently guide me through the whirlwind of challenges that I faced, which I discovered were mostly me getting in my own way, and strong, ready to have the tough conversations and willing to tell me when I was being ridiculous.
No, definitely not, I was looking for someone who had these qualities, and their sex was irrelevant. After all, many of my favourite authors were male.
She was definitely not cheap, and in fact the opposite, but I knew I had to pay for quality, and by paying a larger sum than I thought I would ever pay, I was emotionally invested in getting results. I wasn’t about to invest so much money and take the coaching lightly.
I also knew, if I didn’t pay, I would be too likely to see what was being said and offered as not valuable.
This is a fundamental aspect of human nature, if something is free, we devalue it, and think that because it is available to everyone for nothing, it mustn’t be that good, or it mustn’t have anything of real value because it would not be free.
Even if we don’t overtly think this, in our subconscious, where we are not emotionally invested, we are feeling it, and it impacts our choices and behaviours.
My experience in the public education system has taught me this most of all.
Definitely not! All successful people will assert how they need coaching from time to time, and some pay for the service all of the time, to help them move forward, and to challenge them outside of their comfort zone.
They know that without great teachers, they will not move forward. And if they desire growth, they must be willing to put in the work. This is a strength rather than a weakness. A weakness would be to say, we don’t need anyone and will do it on our own, sometimes with devastating results.
This is human nature. We will all remain the same when we are not accountable to anyone. It is easy to say, “I’ll put it off until tomorrow,” or, “One day I’ll make these changes, but not now because I am too busy, overwhelmed, poor, etc.” you name it!
All of us, at one time or another will need some guidance in times of turmoil, or when we know we need to grow.
This is normal, and very much needed.
We are social beings, and need the support of others who have travelled the difficult road ahead of us. If we have no sages or gurus among us to guide us, we will remain stuck in our own mindsets. These people, who know what it feels to be us, know what we need to push us out of behaviours, habits and beliefs that are not serving us.
Thank goodness for these people, as we would not progress without them.
They can, but only so much. Due to their emotional commitment too, they are often reluctant to push you, or tell you the truth. By the very nature of these relationships, the truth cannot be told. It is too easy to dismiss the advice of loved ones, or to become offended.
I have been there; I have heard the advice from family and friends but it is not until I heard it from someone else, particularly someone I respected or admired, that I absorbed the lesson.
What matters most of all is that we are teachable. We need to be lifelong learners, perennial students of life, always willing to listen, learn and put into place the advice of others who have been there before. There is no other way.
Overall, we need people we can have a professional relationship with, someone who does not have an intimate relationship with us, and can provide us with objective advice and guidance we so desperately, and humanly need.
It is these people that guide us towards the light when we need it most.
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